Edwards POV Hollow
by Edwardhowcouldu
Summary: New Moon- Edward lost everything when he left bella. This is how he felt. I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT
1. Without her

Edward Leaves Bella- His point of view

If I had a soul (which I'm not completely sure of) it was gone. If my heart could beat, it would've stopped. If I hadn't died in 1918, like I was supposed to, I would've died right now. All of these things, my soul, my heart, my life, I had just left with the only girl in the world that ever meant something to me. Bella Swan. It hurt to say her name. Because with that beautiful name came the memories of the best and worst days of my life. I have to say, it takes a lot to hurt a vampire but at this point I felt like one word could shatter me.

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me_!" Ridiculous.

I was running faster than I ever had and I didn't plan on stopping soon, because If I stopped now I would start running back. I could already feel her pulling me back. And I wanted so much to go get her and wrap my arms around her so I would never have to let go again. I did this for her. I reminded myself. But it didn't help. How can it be for the best when it's tearing us both apart. I closed my eyes. I wanted to feel warm. I knew this was impossible but I wanted to feel warm and soft and worth living. But these things required being human something I would never be. Oh how I wished to be human. I could live with Bella without hurting her. I wouldn't have to worry about killing her all the time. We could get married and have children and live together and die together. All these things I wanted but couldn't have. What am I supposed to do now? Without my life what is there to live for. I knew the answer. Nothing. There is nothing to live for, because I am not living. My existence will always be, but I do not have life. Bella gave me life and I rejected it. She opened her arms for me and I crushed her. How? How could I do this? This girl was the most wonderful, loving, caring, beautiful, selfless human being in the world and I left her.

"_You. Don't. Want me."_ _Of course I want you Bella. Who doesn't? I love you more than anything in the world._

"_No" I lied._

I wanted to kick myself in the face

I didn't know where I was. I didn't know how long I have been where ever I am, but I didn't care anyway. I didn't care about anything but the fact that I wasn't with _her._ If I knew that, I couldn't care less where I was. I was alone. I had been alone before. I don't know what I lived for 2 years ago, before Bella. I suppose I lived for my family. But now, now that I have felt how it is to be in love, being alone is almost the worst feeling ever. Almost. No, the worst feeling ever was what I was feeling right now. Depressed, devastated, agonizing, excruciating. None of these words came close to what I felt. Emptiness. Nothingness.

By now I had stopped running. It wasn't helping. I leaned my arm against the tree, almost like I need the support. I couldn't stand up, I didn't have the energy. I could still feel her pulling me back. Back to my home. To where I left my everything. But I couldn't go back. I promised her. Although some small part of me hoped she would never forget me I knew she had to. So she could get on with her life. I lay down on the ground as the rain started to fall, waiting for the pain to decrease though I knew it wouldn't. It would just keep getting worse the longer I was away from her.

_Where could he be? I swear this is where I saw him. Ugh_. "Edward!" Alice called me from somewhere out there. I was going to run away so she wouldn't find me, I just wanted to be alone, but I didn't have the energy to. I didn't have the energy to do anything anymore. So I just laid there. Hopefully I if didn't answer she would leave. I should've known it wasn't going to be that easy.

_Where is he?_ "Edward!"

She got louder.

"Edward" she repeated

She wasn't going to give up. She would keep screaming my name until I answered her so I took a deep breath and whispered.

"What?" my tone wasn't polite but what did she expect.

I didn't sound like me at all. My voice was low and hoarse. I couldn't get it above a whisper. Surely she could see what this was doing to me. She knows that I have no life now. I love my sister but nothing can help me get better in this moment.

"Edward what are you doing?" she asked. I knew she was worried but she should be. I think I'm losing my mind without Bella. Bella_. Bella_. I started to cry tearless sobs. I knew it would do nothing to cry but I wished I could. I wished I could really cry because the tears would be reminder I what I had just gave up.

"Edward!?" she didn't like it when I ignored her.

"What do you want Alice!!??" I almost yelled. I wasn't in the mood for talking. I was in the mood for being with Bella. My _Bella_. My warm, soft, beautiful Bella. The sobs got louder.

Alice dropped to her knees and tried to comfort me. And then she started crying too. I don't know if it was her own loss of Bella. Bella had changed all of our lives. She made us a family again. Or if Alice was crying for my own pain.

"Edward, I miss her so much!!! Please can I go see her?"

"NO" I yelled this time. She had to understand that if Bella saw her again all her memories would come back.

"She doesn't have to see me. I just want to see her. Just to check up on her. I've been having strange visions of her."

I sprang to my feet. "What, is she all right".

"Yah she's fine, she's fine!!!!!" she comforted.

"What did you see?"

She just stared at me, waiting for something.

"What, Alice!! Tell me what you saw."

"Edward I am!!" What? No she wasn't. She was standing there doing nothing.

"EDWARD!! You can read minds!!! REMEMBER?" She yelled so I would understand.

I was losing my mind. Literally. I had forgotten of my gift. Probably because I hadn't had to use it when I was alone. I looked into her mind.

It was Bella. She was so beautiful even just in Alice's vision, she was the most beautiful creature ever. I hurt to see her. I couldn't do it anymore. I closed my eyes. But I still could see plainly, Bella Swan. Bella the one that gave me life, the one person that could make me feel happy, warm. _HUMAN. _

"Alice, Stop!!!!" I cried.

"Alice, I can't, I can't do it." I tried to make her understand.

"Okay okay. No visions. Ummmm. Okay I'll just tell you what happened." She tried.

I nodded weakly.

"Okay well the first few weeks Bella didn't move. At all. She didn't eat. She didn't sleep. When she did sleep she was woken up by nightmares. After I few months of that. She started disappearing. Every once in a while she would disappear for a while and then I would see her again in a few hours." I knew by Alice's voice that it was hard for Alice to see her best friend like this.

I had hurt her. She wouldn't eat? How could I do this to her? The one person, that would've killed me if anything happened to her because of me, was hurting because of my actions. _My_ words. _My_ Fault_._

I loved her more than I ever have and I didn't think that was possible. But the more I was apart from her the more I remembered her. The more I thought of her. How perfect she was.

I was so angry at myself; the tree I was holding onto broke into two as my arms tightened up. Alice winced at the sound. I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted to feel physical pain. The only thing that got me through these torturous days was that Bella still existed. As long as that was true, I would take any pain given to me.

I couldn't be here anymore. Where ever I was. I wanted to be alone. I started running. Somewhere. I don't know which way I was going but I was running. Fast. Suddenly I smelt something I had missed so much. I smelt _her._


	2. Scent and Voices

_I smelt her_

What was wrong with me? Was I finally going insane from her absence. Had I finally reached my limit? It smelt exactly like her so it definitely was not a hallucination. This was really her!!!

No Edward stop! I shouted at myself. I was getting too excited for my self control to handle.

I wasn't allowed to see her.

If I did give myself even once small glance at the love of my life, into her beautiful wide emotion-filled deep chocolate brown eyes I would no doubt never leave her side again. I wouldn't have the strength to.

But it would be so nice to see her just one more time. Just to see that she's safe and happy.

_But what if she wasn't happy Edward? What would you do? _

Great now I'm talking to myself.

But I do have a good point.

If I saw her upset, I wouldn't be able to bear it. I would want to hold her in my arms and make all her worries and fears go away. I would hold her in my arms forever.

_Bella's arms._

Oh how I missed her warm soft arms wrapped around my neck. I would never feel the warmth of her skin or see the depth of her soul.

I missed her so much. Maybe I could just take one look. One look wouldn't hurt right?

Yes, I would go see her. No I couldn't see her. But I could hear her voice. Just one word spoken by her would relieve my pain even if for a short time.

I took one step in the scents direction before changing my mind. I couldn't do this.

What was I thinking?

And then something happened that I thought was completely impossible.

_Come see me, I miss you_

I turned around abruptly. That was her voice. _Her_.

She wasn't there though. No where to be seen. What just happened.

"Bella?" I whispered.

_I'm here and I love you!_ She spoke again. I looked around once again. Half-expecting her to just appear beside me.

That's it. I've gone insane. I had finally gone insane enough to hear her voice in my head.

And I could still smell her. Her sweet fragrance filled my lungs but shockingly, there was no burn in my throat.

My throat didn't ache to drink her blood. However, my arms ached to hold her. Her scent smelt so warm and inviting and I saw her in my mind beckon me forward to her open arms. Granting forgiveness.

That would never happen. Not after what I did to her. Not after I hurt. She would never take me back.

My dead cold heart seemed to rip open even farther than it already had which I thought was completely impossible. My heart was gone but still my hollow chest ached worse and worse every second of her absence.

But how?

I knew I would never get over her but I thought at some point there would be a limit to my pain but nope. It just kept getting worse. I deserved every bit of this pain. I left the most wonderful person in the whole world.

With every single strength my body had left I ran south as far from forks as possible while holding a huge breath of Bella filled air in my lungs. I would never breath out this scent for as long as possible. It was the only thing I had left.


End file.
